This.

This.

This is darkness.

This is how it feels .

This is screaming in silence,

and these are the shackles around my feet,

Keeping my body from feeling, from breathing.

I am numb.

This.

This is the beat of my heart,

This is the chant that fuels the loathing, I am worthless.

This.

This is the feeling that I'm drowning in the flesh that wraps around me.

This is the battle, the war cry,

The running through the minefield.

Of torment and of fear.

This is the exhaustion that weighs my feet into the pits of my soul, that feels like it's dying that closes its eyes at every chance that I give it.

This is the movement of my shape shifting emotion,

this is what consumes my mind, this is what chews at my thoughts and gnaws at my soul.

This is The breaking of my heart collapsing, dying.

But I'm alive.

Am I alive?

This.

This is life when you feel like you can't live anymore,

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why do I have to feel like the lonely one when out of everyone in the world I am surely not the only one.

What do I do now?

This is the body of people telling me what I am and what I am not,

Telling me I'm being stupid.

Stupid.

The word rattles like a bird trying to escape being caged in the cage but in a cage I find myself I am crying.

This.

This is the cry for help from someone who seemingly doesn't need help.

But we all need help.

We all need help.

We all need help.

This.

This is the internal bruising of a lifetime of worry and fear

These are the mistakes I’ve made,

The sorrow I’ve felt,

These are cuts of rejection that have made home on my heart.

This is the scar that sits in my skin,

That tells you I'm hurting, I'm breaking, but I'm learning

To just be ok

Ok.

Ok.

Ok.

Ok I give in my mind is a sin

But I'm confused and alone, you beat me off of my throne

and you said there'd be pain but from that I would gain

the strength that I needed but I'm tired I'm defeated.

A warpath of silence of numb and of stillness and this is my illness.

This is real.

This is fight over flight,

This is heart break,

This is grief,

This is love,

This is hate,

This is fear,

This.

This is us,

Us is this.

I am not alone, together like brittle bones we're one.

Though I am scared,

Though I am tired

Though we may not know we are strong,

We are strong.

There is power in pain,

There is growth in loss,

This is surving,

This is reviving,

This.

This is us.

This is me,

This is life.