these lovely thoughts.

i love you too.

I don’t think you realize that all my sleepless nights are because of you

These heavy, dark circles under my eyes are because of you

You resort to harming yourself whenever things don’t work out

You resort to setting your skin on fire and watching yourself burn

You say you’re not good enough, that you’re not trying hard enough

You know you’re wrong, I don’t know why you keep telling me these things

I can’t breathe when I’m around you

Your hand is a noose around my neck, one wrong word and you’re

squeezing

You’re watching as I writhe and convulse on the ground

You blame yourself for my pain

And you’re right, it is your fault

And yet you still continue to suffocate me.

You won’t let me go

Please let me go.

This isn’t love

Because love shouldn’t be this hard

It shouldn’t hurt

It shouldn’t feel like you’re dragging a razor blade across my heart, watching as I bleed out.

You say you love me,

As I am left to collect the broken pieces of myself from the ground

And though my heart is a fountain, and my wrists are stained from you

I whisper, through it all

I love you too

`c.m.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this flame we built

you and i,

we’ve made a lot of memories, haven’t we?

laughing in car rides

holding each other late at night

stealing soft kisses when we have the opportunity

interlacing our fingers when given the chance

but this one?

this has to be one of my favorites

my phone screen is glowing, words from you flashing across the screen

i smiled reading what you had said

and i remember us talking about our relationship

about a flame we had built

a soft, small candle

i promised you then

and i promise you now

that i will keep our candle warm

it’s quiet blaze

soon to become a bonfire

something built to keep us both warm

but rome wasn’t built in a day

and fires take a while to grow

each day

we add another ember

we add another spark

with each laugh, each smile, each touch

our candle becomes a little stronger

and a whole lot brighter

so while this flame may be small

i promise to keep you, and our candle, both safe

you deserve that and more, my love

`c.m.

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a mother's love

my mother was a jealous person

when she spoke

thorns grew from her mouth and sunk into my skin

she ripped me open and she watched

she watched as i writhed and convulsed on the ground

and when that was said and done

when the floor had been stained by her words

the blood she had caused me to spill

she stood over me

said she was doing it because she loved me

and then told me to clean up after myself

c.m.

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breathe

it's okay

to let yourself feel things

it's okay

to be a sobbing, heaving mess

lying collapsed on the ground

it's okay

to tell yourself, that you're okay

maybe not now

and maybe not for a while

but eventually?

you'll be okay

and for now?

take some deep breaths

breathe

take in your surroundings

feel the way

the wind your caresses your skin

and the way

the sun's warmth feels on your face

because for today

and for tomorrow

you are breathing

you are alive

and that is enough

` c. m.