The Victim, The Judge, and The Juror

Blame

Shame

Berate

Escape

That's all you know

:

You blame me for

the vortex in YOUR heart

the tornado in YOUR mind

the inferno in YOUR soul

:

You blame me

for everything that

is currently wrong in YOUR life

:

But YOU are innocent

:

YOU

have no responsibility

:

for

YOUR relationships

YOUR emotions

YOUR reactions

YOUR life

:

YOUR life

is the misfortune

of everything that was

done to you

:

Your ego bathes

in the pity

and denial

of your self-righteousness

:

YOUR memory

and YOUR judgment

as clear

as YOUR liver bile

after years of drinking

and hopscotching drugs

:

YOUR trauma

is the responsibility

of everyone else

:

Everyone should

cater to

YOUR needs

while

accepting

YOUR abuse

:

You have every right

to be reactive

:

to be emotionally

unstable at

the slightest offense

:

because YOU

were hurt

20 years ago

and not just that

all YOUR life

even yesterday

even 4 seconds ago

even right now

:

by THIS

and THAT

and HER

and HIM

and ME…

:

But YOU don't

take any responsibility

in how YOU hurt others

:

when YOU DID THIS

and THAT

to HER

and HIM

and ME

:

Because YOU

are 'perfect'

:

A perfectionist

with insecurities

as big as your ego

:

YOU believe

everyone else

is the problem

and that's why

YOUR life is a mess

:

YOU try to tell me

who YOU THINK

I am

:

After years of refusing

to genuinely know me

beyond your perceptions

:

I wonder…

How can you know me

when you don't even know yourself?

:

You blame me

for shit

that hasn't even happened

:

but it is all true

in the madness

of YOUR mind

:

But YOU DON'T

know me

because

YOU'VE CHOSEN

to remain blind

:

I'll admit

I'm not perfect

I never was

I don't believe perfect exists

:

I've made some mistakes

but I've owned them

I've grown from them

I've learned from them

:

I've apologized

and worked to reconcile

time and time

again

but to you

that's never

good enough

:

I've even taken responsibility

for mistakes that I didn't make

:

to look back standing

HERE

NOW

:

knowing

that as much as I did

that to cope

:

to survive being

on the receiving

end of the

anger

outbursts

untamed emotions

and violence

:

that doesn't serve me

nor anyone else

I've let so easily off the hook

in the past

:

To change my life

I've faced myself

I've put in the work

I've faced my fears

:

I've grown so much

every week

every year

:

that last time you saw me

you couldn't even recognize

your own sister

:

Yet YOU'VE BARELY CHANGED

a bit in the right direction

for the past 15 years

:

I've spent years

and a fortune

on healing

:

because I KNOW

no matter how much

someone else

has hurt me

It's MY RESPONSIBILITY

TO HEAL

:

That's why

I never held a grudge

against you

for everything you did

:

Why

I wasn't hateful

towards you

or made a point

to bring up all the

ways you deeply

hurt me in the past

or try to breed guilt

or force any apologies

:

It's why you don't hear me talk about

all the demons I faced on my own

and blame you for not caring

or being there when I had no one

:

Because I've done the work

and I know although you hurt me

we were working on moving past that

:

Fuck all the bullshit

I still love you

and nothing will ever change that

:

But I'm on my path to healing

and those who can't respect that

will have to exit out my lane

:

Peace is why I left before

Peace is why I am leaving again

:

It's nothing personal to you

It's personal for me

My life, my love, my healing

:

No hard feelings

I'm wise enough to realize

All the hurt you projected onto me

stems from YOUR internal suffering

:

Those who

always find a way

to blame everyone else

for what's wrong in THEIR LIFE

spend their lives projecting

onto others

because when they look in the mirror

they can't even see

themselves looking back

:

They've run from themselves

just as long as

they've misplaced blame

for their own misfortunes

for their own feelings

for their own behaviors

onto everyone else

:

Understanding themselves

as only a victim of their reality

:

I know I can't teach those

who are not ready to learn

and that's why at this time

I have to let go

:

I hope you find all the things

you've been searching for

and goddamnit I hope you heal

:

I hope you find yourself

because until you do

you will never be the creator

of YOUR Life

:

In the court of your life

you will remain

the victim

the judge

and the juror

: