The Shaped Crusader

Robin branched out fighting crime on his own

Now I’m lonely and eat lots of sweets

Throughout my depression my stature has grown

Now there’s double the crime on the streets

When he moved out of Gotham I gave up some things

Even Alfred, my butler, my pal

I lied that I’m happy he’s spreading his wings

I miss the Boy Wonder and Al

I gave him the Batmobile, money for gas

Then, I wished them a hearty, “Good luck”

I bought something bigger, a whole different class

MY “Batmobile” dually’s a truck

The Bat-cave is stocked with my favorite snacks

Well hidden inside of a hill

A perfect retreat where I chill and relax

Just, no butler to clean what I spill

I developed a brand new utility belt

And I bought a new Bat-motorbike

The new belt had things to improve how I felt

Diabetes, reflux, and the like

A Chocolate Croissant is the Bat-signal now

It shines when there’s crime to defeat

The crooks get away with a fortune somehow

Whenever I stop for a treat

The Mayor of Gotham is on the attack

He’s pissed and withholding my raise

I signed his new contract and handed it back

It was sticky and covered in glaze

I’m cursed with a weakness, a burdensome load

I’ve been treated completely unfair

With a new pastry shop, my response time has slowed

Since it opened so close to my lair