The Search for Me

2

I’ve waited so long to find Me

Fear has always been my constant enemy, or my friend.

Caressing me, keeping me safe from harm, and the unknown.

I step into the dark.

The pain of my memories burn deeper than before.

Fear tells me to step back. Stay safe in my shell.

But I can’t. I have to find Me.

I take another step.

The pain!

Memories of my past, that made Me hit hard almost knocking me into the darkness.

Third step.

Is it worth it?

Fourth step.

Turn back. Get out of there!

Whispers on whists of winds blow around my being as I take my fifth step.

I look around to find the creator of the sound, but it’s only me… and Me.

I see her, standing there. She feels so far away.

The darkness that once swirled around her feet is up to her knees.

Nooooo! Don’t take her! I need her! I need Me!

Every step is hard to take. Every breathe a chore as the thickness in the air enters my lungs.

The darkness enters me, I feel it influencing my every move from the inside.

Painfully I take a few steps more.

I look at Me.

The darkness now up to her waist.

I stifle my choking cries as I am desperate to get to her.

Turn back, Fear gently coaxes. You can’t do this.

I close my eyes and take two steps more.

The whispers become louder

Fear reminds me of the smiles I had without Me, the jokes I told, the content shell that I was

But it reminded me of the pain I felt, the fake laughter I rang out, and the loneliness without Me.

I stopped and tried to catch my breath.

I can make it. I can do this.

I look up to focus on Me and she’s gone.

Panic sets in and I look around for her. But she’s nowhere.

Was this a trick?

I take two steps backwards without looking

But there’s nothing there.

It’s deeper.

And I fall

Completely immersed in the darkness.

I hear a deep dark voice singing.

‘Did you really think it would be that easy?’

I close my eyes as I fall

Slowly

I whimper as my demons take over and remind me of who I was.

They lured me in. Promising me, Me.

I have no control

My quiet panic returns and I can do nothing but give in.

‘Sleep now.’ They tell me. ‘Enter your dreams… or nightmares.’