Me

1

Twists and turns inside my brain drop me further into the darkest depths,

Where my demons wait…

To collide with me, saturate me, suffocate me.

I willingly follow them into my labyrinth where only they know the path.

Destruction?

Chaos?

Comfort?

Who will I become if I embrace them?

What will I lose if I fight them?

Will I find Me chained up behind them?

I lost her ages ago.

This shell of a human who writes… who tries to find truth…who tries to find Me.

I don’t even know who she is anymore.

I look in the mirror and see a stranger. Her eyes no longer glistening, no longer filled with love.

Confusion, frustration and sadness stare back at the person standing at the mirror.

Both sides wonder, ‘Who is she?’

I live to make people laugh.

It hides my pain and takes the focus off of Me. The one I can’t find.

I hid her away so well that she is a mystery.

The darkness whispers promises to share Me… to embrace Me… to love Me…

To make a better Me. A stronger Me.

Should I believe it?

I dance along the edge of the dark. Where the grey turns dark, I dip my toe into the black playfully.

Flashes of pain strum through my body as I remember what was locked up.

I lose my balance and fall but only my leg dips into the black. The darkness swirling around it, seeping in… breathing her in for the first time in years. The pain is difficult to endure, but not impossible.

I look up and see Me. Alone on an island surrounded by the darkness, she stands in dingy white. Waiting for us to once again reunite. Waiting to cause me pain for abandoning her, or pleasure for coming back. Perhaps both.

I choose to move forward. To fight or embrace, I know not. I step into the darkness to get to Me.

And so my journey begins.