The Quiet Between Words...

I woke up to the light creepy in through my bedroom window and the sounds of birds chirping

Today just felt like it was going to be a good day. It was a 180 degree shift from the morning before when I dreaded rolling out of my bed

I didn’t feel as stressed, even if it would settle in later, I knew that right now I felt a little lighter

It has been months even years filled with darkness and uncertainty of where I go from here… where will I end up

I have taken the last few years to try to look deep within myself, recreate who I am

I am not the single mom struggling to make ends meet while raising my two kids on my own

I am now the disabled woman struggling to make ends meet with two grown adult sons

Not a lot has changed, but yet everything has all at once

I was no longer able to work, display my strength and independence like a badge of honor

I no longer wear that badge, the gold that glistened in the sunlight now sits on the shelf collecting dust

It took a lot of time, and if I am being honest, I still don’t think I have come to terms with my current situation I just try to distract myself at times so the grimm reality don’t catch me off guard and send me spiraling into a deep dark depression

I know I am too old, and too worn out to face that time of darkness again… next time I really don’t know if I will make it through to the other side

My curiosity usually gets the best of me, and my yearning to learn new things has my mind spinning with ideas

Today it’s this and tomorrow it might be that… I have become so indecisive since I have been forced to slow down

I finally hit the wall and haven’t been quite able to get up ever since

So I sit back in the sun and listen to some music, I am reminded of better times