The parades over but I’m still outside

Stage 1: out

I walk to the edge of the street with you, overlooking the sleepy horizon

The hills greet me when I come

The wind dances around us, resting on our shoulders

They seem to know me

But standing here with you

I can’t help but feel

unfamiliar

strange

New

We are the only two people

There are miles of quiet streets moving away from us

Yet I still feel

surrounded

Your hands are pulling mine

Mine are slipping through

You place your lips on mine

Mine are motionless

Am I afraid that

When I hold you

The world may crumble

Or that if you hold me

Yours will

I can’t look you in the eyes

What if you see what I’m trying to hide?

Or worse

that I’m afraid

I can’t place myself

You make me feel unfamiliar

But that doesn’t feel wrong

But it also doesn’t feel real

The snow pierces through my gloves

I hear the wind laughing

or is it you?

A car passes

I freeze

I can’t feel my chest

I can’t recall where I am

the streetlights glare

the sirens wail

they know

We’re exposed

Where do I look - Do I look at you?

I’m looking at you

really looking

And for a moment - I feel - relief

A branch cracks

I jump

it’s a squirrel

I thought it was … You ask for another kiss

But I can no longer feel my lips

I am a stranger to the world

And although the warmth of home exudes from you

I can’t grasp it

I am lost

But I also don’t know

If I want

To be found here

Stage 2: fed up

I love parades

but there is a bittersweet irony behind walking in a straight line to

celebrate

the complete subversion of everything straight

I need beyond with you

I need crooked

I need chaos

I need songs blasting from our dissident hearts

Mountains piercing through skies

Suns shining into the ground

Stars stretching across galaxies

The parade is over they say

But it doesn’t mark the end

When the start

Was you

The parade is over they say

But we are here

I don’t just want to be out with you

I want to be free