The Owls Inside

My memories are dusty now

But feelings and frankincense

And faces are easy to recall

I used to sit in the pew

And wonder why we talk about

An old world in an language

Most obtuse

I could mostly understand

But when I tried to speak

The words would catch

Between my heart and throat

Frozen

I'd close my mouth

The snow falling softly outside

I want to daydream

Watch the white sky fall, but

Stained glass windows

Obscure my view

I want to push open the heavy doors

Invite in the wind and wonder

Feel the rush of life

Cut through this sleepy, stagnant air

And talk about the truth

My thoughts do not belong to me

I know how to stay in line

How to bury my opinions

My questions

Myself

My mind shrank and melted, but

I had to keep the secret

I had one at all

The priest walks by

A branch in hand

Sprinkles me with holy water, like

Rain falling gently from the trees

The stained glass glows from candlelight

I belong out here

No one is free

Inside these colorful glass walls

Where's my voice

I cannot breathe

No one seems to notice

This is a cage

They left first

My dad found church

Sitting on the dock at sunrise

Listening to lake

Lap against the shore

I know why

The nuns don't teach us

To look inside ourselves

Each time we listen

To our own deep knowing

Our truth, our intuition

Another brick crumbles

The confusing stories

Are just lessons, bput

The details divide us

It's time to grow

They never will

It's time to go

Because I know

Tradition does not Trump change

I left behind

The hate, the judgement

That cockeyed decoy owl

So obviously planted

Underneath an eve

I could hear the woodpecker

Pecking loudly

My heart ballooned

Maybe I could stay and

Peck holes too, till

All the lies drain out

And all that's left

Is real and true

The old white shepherds

Have plenty of sheep

You can keep your gaslight

I'll light my way with

Candles, moonlight and mirrors

It was already dark

When I parked my truck

Took in the cool air that night

Finally, I'm home

When the dust settled

I found

My church is a bluebird day

Snuggling by a winter fire

A deep soak in a bathtub filled with holy water

My heart is in the forest

My peace is in the ocean

My calm is in the clouds

I was given place

That captured me but

Never captured

My soul

When I found it

I found that I was

Still searching

I was given language that

Never seemed to fit

Words can circle and approach

Never quiet meaning what I really mean, but

Love gets close

Love lives somewhere between the field and the forest

Or maybe in both places

She sees, she watches

She knows everything

Love is our deep knowing

The owls inside ourselves

Calling out the truth

A broad man

Dressed in dark clothes was

Already at my door

My blood boiled

Love is the bravery--

To say

To do

To be

When I approached, he turned

I felt the swish and blur of

A barn owl glide between us

He turned and ran

Maybe he was scared of birds

Or Love

I want to turn my knowing

My inside owls

Loose on the world

I woke up early and into the forest

To return to my body

My church

To exhale, and notice

A tiny cloud perched in a tree

I bow a quiet thank you

And when our eyes meet

I know that she is Love

And Love is me