The Narrator of My Mind

Maybe

Maybe this voice is more me than me

Ya know the voice inside my head

The narrator of my mind

She`s always there, always has something to say

She always tells the truth

No matter how awful

She knows all my short comings

I cannot hide them from her

Or anything for that matter

She is in charge, she projects what you see

Though sometimes I wish she wasn't

Because though she is usually kind & containable

Sometimes she can be very cruel

Especially when she feels my control slipping

My strength to stop her from spiraling into chaos

& plunging into the darkest parts of my thoughts

The kind of dark, that makes you blink

Hoping your eyes will adjust & grab hold of some sort of light

But you don`t

Where all the negatives live

Self doubt, body image, uncertainty, depression, anxiety, anger, resentment...

Hopefully today i`m lucky & she`ll pick one that`s manageable/concealable

Or that doesnt lash out in pain/desperation

Plz don`t take this out on anyone else

Just take me...

& she is my conscious, mixed with a chemical imbalance

[Shaken not stirred]

Oh what a dangerous concoction

She is my savior & my worst enemy

Weak as glass & tough as nails

A constant contradiction

Will I ever get used to this

Will it ever get easier

Should I accept her as my norm

As me?