The Monsters Game

I don’t want to say goodbye, not to the life I’ve known.

The monsters I’ve met while walking down dark alleys alone have taught me how to properly use my soul.

From the elation of pure joy to the depths of personal hell, I’ve been able to feel it all.

My mind a recess of disaster but how much is mine to bear?

I’ve drowned in the sins of man. I’ve held secrets within my skin.

Each one weighing me down, my limbs desperately trying to tread.

Am I a hero or a fool for keeping it all in?

Have I become stronger with these weights and my ability to lift them above my head? Have I simply been training the wrong muscles this whole time instead?

I have felt it all- the rise and the fall. Perhaps to feel deeply has always been my true call.

A beacon for those in the moonless night to know that I understand it is hard.

That while you feel alone, you are not on your own in the dark.

To remind you that those tally’s on the wall, you did not mark.

That the blood on the floor was not yours to bleed.

A pharaoh of pain, the ambassador of shame.

We are one of the same, you did not discover this wretched game.

Nor am I the inventor, I merely just play.

Roll the dice in hopes of finding a different space, but these dice have no numbers so in this square we stay.

Alone but together. How can we feel so far away?

Does he also tell you you’re his favourite?

That you’re like your mother and your mothers mother and these are also their debts you pay?

Does he whisper in your mind that you’re here to stay?

That happiness is so so far away that maybe your daughter’s daughter will find its gates?

Stuck in the concept of his vice grips.

We both feel the same.

How is this not our destiny when all life has shown us, is this way?

If we can’t make water into wine to drink it all away, what is the point in even playing after today?

Then you fell next to me and I finally saw the why.

Because if I can’t make sense of this for you, then what for, am I paying these dues?