The Missing Link

I'm in a daze of what was

what could be

and what is.

you say you want me

but do you really

is it just me or is it just me

is it you

what do you need

and why are you not telling me

i don't know how to chase

if i chase too hard then you will fly away

if i do not chase then you will fly away

should i leave you alone or

should i squeeze you a little too hard

this isn't good for your health

this isn't butterflies and rainbows

this is hardcore passionate

caring for someone elses feelings other than your own

deep-diving into the abyss of what you do not know

covering yourself in mud so that you can camouflage yourself in their pain

trying to fix whatever the hell is broken in there

hoping that they don't see you trespassing

but somehow you know they do

whether they care or not is the other issue

mine,

she cares

she cares a lot

she sees me all the time

deep-diving but not really

because she always finds out

she always sees me

trying to deep-dive into her abyss

it drives me mad

puts me in a frenzy

drives me up a wall

i cannot tame her

i don't want to tame her

but just a little bit

just a little bit more calm

less worked up about things

her heart is my favorite place to be in

to be apart of

but she doesn't let me in it all the time

and i want to be in it all the time

and so i push and fight

and pry her heart open

only to find that it is a fake.

she gets upset and places fake hearts around her heart and the walls of her castle

a cruel joke maybe

a cruel joke indeed

but i fall for it

because all i know is how to search for her heart,

even when she doesn't want me too.

but i do it anyways

i deep-dive

into her abyss

of deep blue water

surrounded by octopus and whales the size of starfish

i gaze into moons and oceans when i look at her

but not calm oceans

there are always ripples and heavy currents

sometimes it should come with a warning label.

i go in sometimes not knowing that a storm is brewing

i go in with no gear on at all

ready for anything, or so i think

and i always come out of it looking like i just saved a bunch of animals from an oil spill

what is love really like

someone please tell me because i don't know

and i think i've had it wrong this whole time

here we go:

love is deep

deep-diving

into an abyss

of something you don't know

different than you

different than her

different than them

and they

and he

and she

it is a rough current that keeps pulling you in

deeper and deeper and deeper

and sometimes you cant breath

sometimes you come up for air

and sometimes you don't exactly know how

so you stay in and hope for the best

you pray you don't suffocate in someone elses water

in someone elses heavy current

she breaths me in deep

deeper than i could have ever imagined

but her anger is impossible for me to maneuver

there is so much depth that i cannot fathom it

i cannot think in it

i become paralyzed

silenced in my own words

opening my own wounds while trying to heal hers

is it toxic

maybe a little

healing

healthy

the horror of pretending to care when you don't

i'd rather be in love with you

than anyone else

than anywhere else

than with anyone else

so what is love, you ask

love is you