The Life List

The life list

No video recording
No job I'm given and fired from
No letter
No life list I wrote at 13
No help to let me see the beauty in life
Just the series of memories leading to the end
Cleaning, yoga, projects, carving pumpkins, performances, museums
Too out of order
Crying on the couch, you saying the cancer is back
The angel you gave me to watch over us, my tree topper every Christmas
The smile after you saw a play
Dinners, how you love dessert
No sensical order
The hospital room, where you are asking if it's okay if you do nothing more
You are going to die
I can't say it
I answer, I'm selfish, I will always want more time
Telling me not to hate life, not to give up when you are gone, you know me
Sitting in bed laughing, until you couldn't because the morphine got your tongue
A piece of coal unfairly given
Love still in your eyes
Always
Why this order
The pain
So much pain, a room full of everyone's pain while we watched shows for the last time
The girl loses twice in the movie, but finds herself
I lose twice, the second myself, and lose my heart and soul
Then the last breath
A dagger as a present
Now I'm a time traveler with no control where I end up
Sometimes it's silly dacing to a record at Christmas
Im five saying "I'm telling", when 'I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus' comes on
Or middle school watching you sew, waiting to see the costume
But then there is death in the path
If hate could build mountains
We'd all already be to heaven
I hate the slow death
the unfair order
If a Christmas Carol could change me
Maybe I could stay here





Sent via the Samsung Galaxy S24, an AT&T 5G smartphone