"The lesson I learnt"

I saw you once as my hero so, but the veil has lifted I see this no more!

My hero you were, but the mask has faded....

The love and hugs all gone in one from the day you pushed me with that raw.

The look in your eyes of anger and hate with such range you show, I shall never forget but forgive I shall do, not for you but for my soul Itself.

You were my hero someone I looked up to but then the veil was lifted it all faded as a mask it was...

The words to this day you still have not learnt have meaning and power behind them from one to another.

"Your stupid"

"Go away"

"idiot"

"stupid"

"Shut your mouth"

full of such anger you throw at me, keep the name calling coming if only you could see and truly listen.

Is all but pain, I thought you would learn, reflect and see your ways but you have not.

I forgive and move on but forget I shall not.

You were my hero someone I looked up to, but the veil was lifted the day you pushed me that same look and anger I still see now evermore.

You have not grown you have not shown kindness, how could you so when you didn't have the great start yourself ...

Living and making the same mistakes as your parents once did so, so long ago.

I saw you as my hero once upon a time, but the veil has lifted and I cannot see the past, but I can learn through what I see, what I have learnt and how to go on.

All I see is you lashing out when you don't want to learn from your own daughter to grow and forgive I truly have deep so....

A phoenix is born but you as one cannot accept, it's your way or no way that is all evermore.

You see my crystals, you see my diffusers, my rituals, my outlook on life , my writing you won't dare look at and yet you mock me...

Thats okay let it be, let it go, fly away as those emotions go..

You call me names think that this Is okay I hear, I listen your reflecting on your own self using it at me instead or so I think, I dare not ask I just listen and deal.

Your words hurt deep, cut through with a blade but remembering now I am a mum.

A mum who will not make the same mistakes as you, but learn and listen for you are my lesson.

A lesson I must learn, a lesson I must see and a lesson I must listen to reflect and move past.

You were once my hero so ever young I was, singing your phrases until that day happen I saw through the veil.

You are not a bad person oh no you are not but a scared boy that did not learn what one was meant to learn so young, your parents failed and never learnt from their mistakes you continued your same mistakes and did not see the new ways.. it's okay I forgive but forget I shall not..

You say it's okay for me to walk alone in the dark, knowing of stabbings near by oh so, Oh dear father you are so wrong, you say I am no longer your responsibility with anger and curse in your words, Oh father you are wrong for when you are a parent it is forever sacred deed, you know why I can't drive, the epilepsy oh I dare not say, for you it is a trigger, but you let me walk in the dark as I go, I tell you direct I would not let my son do what you have done to me...

You sneer with such hate, I see this in your eyes anger and hate you have for me so much, how I know it's not me you are truely angry with it still hurts deep down. For you see how much I do, how much work I do with the house you can not accept that I'm keeping it all together with every responsibility, it is yourself you are truely angry at and not truly me, I see that now for I do the things that you would never dare try, lifting and pushing over every ounce of strength I have picking up after everyone, you do not like

Oh father what you do not know is your little girl still needs you, even if it may not seem it in front of you, your little girl still needs a hug and to tell her it's okay or "what is going on" or "how are you" I'm in such pain but for I am a mum I will always pull through, through evermore I will, the lack of love will have to be still because of my dear boy.

I love you so dear truly oh dear father I do, but time has come where I have outgrown your ways,I listen to what is the lesson to learn seeing through the veil I have so more.

So I thank you evermore for teaching me this lesson in how I want to raise my son and how I do not want to raise my son, he will know my love, he will understand the emotional intelligence of a young boy to when he is a man, I am sorry you never got the love you should have had all that time ago, but I get to choose, choose to not repeat the same mistakes as you, to better myself and most importantly of all to break the cycle once and for all.

Goodbye old cycle, I block out the noise and focus to good for I am and always will be a mum for evermore.

Thank you for reading my Writting, this is really deep so please be kind with constructive feedback thank you Cryptic Edwards.