I love you, but please - just pass.
No one can say these words,
but when your hand is like doughy fire in mine,
your forehead webbed with pained lines,
sticky with sickness,
they linger on my tongue;
please, just die.
Exhausted we wait out the last hour.
One breath a second,
like little screams,
Your eyes look over our heads,
fixed on something unseen.
make it stop-
the words ball up in my throat,
blaze behind my drooping lids,
Don't leave me - just let go -
who would say something like that, at a time like this?
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There are people in your life that you really believe will always be there; my Great Aunt Jean was one of those people for me, but on May 26th 2025 she passed. We sat with her for the last few hours and thanks to the wonderful staff at Strathcarron Hospice her death was as dignified and comfortable as it could be.
That last hour with her before I had to leave was the strangest experience I've ever had. I desperately wanted her to stay with us, fight a little longer, and at the same time I just wanted her to let go she wouldn't be in pain anymore.
The guilt that comes with that thought process is heavy and ongoing.
There will be a memorial service in her honour on the 21st of June (the summer solstice - fitting, I think, given how much light she brought to the world)... so, if I can ask a favour Vocalites; on the 21st, raise a glass of something for her, and give someone you love a hug. We never know when the last hour will be.
About the Creator
S. A. Crawford
Writer, reader, life-long student - being brave and finally taking the plunge by publishing some articles and fiction pieces.
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Standing While Falling
Quotation from Friedrich Nietzsche "He who wrestles long with monsters should beware lest he himself become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. Man is not destroyed by suffering, but by the meaning he makes of it."
By LUCCIAN LAYTH4 days ago in Critique
Comments (5)
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Gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. This was so beautifully and sensitively written. When my grandmother died, I remember experiencing similar emotions of wanting her to be out of pain, but also not wanting her to die. You captured this so well.
That is so difficult, I have encountered this twice in my life. Big hugs
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean though. My grandfather passed away in hospital a few years ago and we spent his last day all sitting by his side in hospital, it was truly one of the worst days of my life.
I'm so sorry for your loss and yes, I dealt with that. I'll never forget when my brother's skin was stained with the poison his liver no longer filtered and my mom sat numbly by his side praying for him to come out of his coma. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Frankie, it's okay to let you." He died two hours later. .............. when my mom was dying, her skin, too became sticky as her life felt as though it was oozing out of her. As much as I wanted her to say, I held on to her hand, rubbing her arm and said, "Mom; it's okay to go to dad and Frankie." She died twenty minutes later. It's not an easy road to let go so if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.