The Elusive Homecoming

Neither of us asked to return again.

You didn't bat an eyelid, and I didn't reach.

You didn't call to me, and neither did I.

But somehow, we found ourselves here again.

It's been over two decades, and everything still bubbles over.

The irony of all this is that we've never really met.

I mean, yes, we've had moments,

The longest of which took a span of three days.

We've laughed and shared stories,

We've cried and sought solace, and we've done it all.

Our moments have been few, yet they carry so much.

In this fragment of life, we escape far away.

I ran my heart from you 'cause I couldn't understand the two,

I broke you in a complete sense that honestly I cannot place,

And almost 16 years later, everything still hurts anew.

Maybe it's because it's all regret as things hoped for,

Maybe it's because I care too deeply, karma,

Perhaps it's the reason we hold ourselves back,

I dunno, but I know to stand away for you.

You say I feel like home, like a place you belong,

Yet at the same time, you run like weights don't hold you.

The saddest bit is, I cannot make you stay.

This all betrays everything that has made me who I am,

No, you didn't let me speak, but you feel like home to me too.

Yet that's not enough to base life on,

So I'll break it down deeper for you to see.

You understand my journey, and my tears are comfortable with you,

I whine in your ear, and you still never shut me down.

You extend everything to lift me with no care,

And pull me out before I take a deeper plunge.

It's all such few moments, and our lives stay so separate,

Yet out of all those unknowingly committed to a life,

Those that have borne a child,

Those that I've meshed with and hoped for,

Never tried or attempted to understand me as you do.

You hear the words I speak, discerning the underlying silk I conceal,

You reach for a place that's meaningful beyond just words,

You teeter on the brims of, yes, finally made it,

Yet never really lose the string of hope that exists.

You are just you, and with you, I am,

You see me and know all that I never share,

You understand without me ever having to elaborate any detail.

With you, building is easy and executing unquestionable,

You defend me even when I could just be wrong,

Yet to everyone else, you conceal me to that extent,

Having never seen me stand next to a flaw.

You're beautiful in every essence of the word,

Your amazing smile and that uncensored laugh.

It's indescribable to listen to, and nudges at the heart.

Your boldness is pure and untainted, impossible to miss,

Your drive beams beyond the escapades of a sunset,

And you just exist as you, a lion at heart

With the most unique essence of bronze.

So you see, the idea of you goes beyond the words "home,"

The reality of you is an undisclosed fight in itself,

So as much as I agree and respect your wishes,

Not just for you but for an internal conflict I'm yet to process.

I can't deny a longing as I miss the idea of the unscathed dream,

One that took nineteen years of bricks lain of bliss,

Cemented deeply by the unspoiled hurt I caused,

Yet for me, it does remain true that you too are home,

Only it may not have the luxury of you but the absence of me.