The 'Don't Be An Arsehole' Policy

"Don't be an arsehole"

I write in my recommendations

Backspace. Back back back.

Pause.

How to rephrase in case it's ever subpoenaed?

Political correctness is the name of the game

Perhaps they have trauma

Perhaps there's 'more to the story'

There rarely is

Interviewing victims

Tears and shaking hands

Tales of sleepless nights

Medicated anxiety

'Whispers' in the staffroom

No attempts to muffle the insults

"I'll call the union."

"Go right ahead."

Defence after defence

Weariness now entrenched

Protected at all costs

It always ends up with a slap on the wrist

The victim feeling unheard

All we want to do is protect you, I promise

Alas, the legal systems designed to protect employees end up being the ones that screw you over

It's not the employers calling the shots here - it's the legislation and the obscenely compensated administrators appointed by the government

In short - it's fucked

So instead we spend months umming and ahhing over convoluted policies

"Do not use offensive language"

"Be courteous to colleagues"

"Do not bully and/or harass people"

(The 'and/or' is critical, lest someone misinterprets it)

Political correctness gone mad

When it could all be summed up in four simple words

"DON'T BE AN ARSEHOLE."

End of policy