"Broken Heart Syndrome"

Speak the truth

I dare you

Say it out loud

Or whisper it into the ether

Unbite your tongue

Let the vitriol spew forth

Let the words hit the air

Linger and scar

Uncork the bottle

Unspoken truths be free

Bathing the ceiling

Dripping in condescension

Explosions of hurt

Deceit

Neglect

Abandonment

Forced reconciliation

Never truly wanted

Mandated by societal expectation

"You only get one mother"

Good lord, I wish it were anyone but her

Someone who wanted a child to grow into who they were meant to be

Not a clone

I tried. I tried.

So bloody hard

But I was never you

I couldn't be

Filled with an eternal sadness from birth

Never able to live up to the perfect expectations

The standards set for a screaming newborn

Never dainty

An elephant child

Stomp stomp stomp

Drawn to the morose

Unable to pretend

Until I pushed everything down

Anything to keep the peace

To keep you in my life

But that was never really my job, was it?

Pitted against siblings

Unable to live up to his unbelievably low bar

"What are my good qualities?"

"Maybe you'll get one some day."

Verbatim

Independently corroborated that you said that to a 16 year old girl

Desperate for her mother's approval

I should have walked away then

Never turned back

But I finally got there

20 years later

Enough was enough

You do not control me

You do not own me

And most of all, you do not silence me

Despite your beloved flying monkey's letter to me

"You lost your voice today."

No, I didn't

I just stopped wasting it on you

What's the point when you don't care unless I'm agreeing with you?

You wanted a sycophant, but you got a daughter with a brain instead

God forbid

Able to see through the thin veil of your insecurity

So, goodbye

Farewell

Oh, and happy 16th birthday to me two decades on

Remember when I had to ask you to wish me happy birthday at 7pm?

You probably don't

Which is why having any of these conversations with you was always pointless

Because you never remember

But I do

So, in summary, go to hell

Enjoy the heart condition I 'gave' you

I'm shocked there's a heart there to begin with

And with that, I fade into oblivion

Redact your daughter from your life

You have two sons

I never really existed

Not to you

Because how can someone have ever existed

If you never wanted the real them?