The Daydreamer

Just coming straight out with this.

Because

as my thoughts race about

what could have been

or

what could be

I

can’t seem

to

figure out

where my thoughts may be.

I daydream a lot.

Does that

make me crazy?

Or

does that

make me

a part of the group

who

suffers from anxiety?

I could never know.

Only a medical or licensed professional could make that diagnosis.

So to cope

with my everlasting

daily battles

of migraines

and

sorting my thoughts

I result to my book

and my poetry

to sort out

with

whatever is

going on

in my head.

But some days

I’m everywhere,

exhausted

and confused.

Fighting this battle

and I just

always seem to loose.

How?

Why?

Maybe these questions

could

only

be answered

if I take a day

or two days

or three months

to sit and try and make

some sort of

attempt

to control my ever racing thoughts.

I switch from one topic to the next.

Is this chronic

or is this just

my racing mind

all over the place

yet again?

I daydream a lot.

Thinking

maybe

just maybe

I could gain some control

if I just let this

weird ass scenario play out.

But it doesn’t fade.

It never ends.

I sleep for an hour

and I see it

in my dreams

so vivid.

So realistic.

So, so lifelike.

But then

I wake to find

it’s just a dream.

Then I daydream

about that dream

and about what

I daydreamed about

to dream about

this dream that

I’m now daydreaming

about

and then there I go

racing

yet again.

I daydream a lot.

Is that a thing?

Could I be medically diagnosed

for daydreaming?

Or is this just something

I have to deal with

day after day

because there technically

is no cure

for daydreaming.

What am I to do if

I cannot control my thoughts?

I find myself

laying in bed

wondering about

how things could

or would be different

had this

happened differently.

Then it

leads me to

question if I have any regrets.

That I don’t.

I can honestly say that.

I daydream A LOT.

And sometimes

it gets frustrating

because

I find I cannot focus

on things like

sleeping

or eating

or writing

or LIVING.

I find that

I cannot pull

myself willingly away

from whatever it may be that

I daydream about

but really

what is that.

My mind is

ALL OVER THE PLACE

even now.

Could this trigger my feelings?

My headaches?

My migraines?

My nauseousness?

Wait, is that even a word?

I think it is.

My spell check

didn’t correct me.

Am I sick

because my daydreams

are overbearing

and some days

overwhelm me to

the point of

not even eating?

I’m hungry right now

but I can’t tell if

I’m really hungry

or if I’m only daydreaming.

But then I think

too how daydreaming

has seemed to

save me for

all these years.

Because

on a good day

when I daydream

I dream about

a world far away.

And beaches.

And over-poured alcoholic beverages.

And cut men.

And new friends.

And smiles.

And warm air.

And the sun turning my skin Golden.

I daydream

A LOT.

Does that make me crazy ?!!!!!