The Broken Dance

I watch you transform,

Into someone I don’t know

This version of you

Is calculated and cold

It makes up stories

To try to get people to believe

That I am the monster

And you are the innocent sheep

You manipulate and lie

To what feels like no ends

Funny how all this started

Out as friends

I blink twice in shock and disbelief

As you apologize and hug me

The cycle makes me weak

Like the road runner show

Beep beep here we go

On to something else to fight about

Time feels like it’s moving so slow

I wait in silence, and watch your hands flair

You yell so loud, it feels like you don’t care

As the hour glass of our relationship

Runs out in thin air

You cradle my face

And ask if I’m still here

You tell me “I am special”

You say “I am loved”

But your words have become empty

Now you say I didn’t deserve the hug

I hold my breath

As I watch you change

It’s become our silent dance

The mental health game.

The dance were I watch you

Destroy all we’ve built

I have my flaws too

But I’m not against seeking help

You say it’s my fault

And try to make me believe

That none of your flaws

Would be present

If it weren’t for me

And then just like that

there’s another change

When you see me packing my bags

Now your saying

“ you won’t do it again”

But now it’s to late,

You’ve had chance after chance

I’ve lost so much of myself

While participating in this dance

My heart is now broken

And so is my soul

You asked for forever

I thought that was the goal

Instead we kept dancing

To this horrible song

I’ve tried to skip it, or pause it,

While you yell

The show must go on

I walk to the door

Then turn to give you one last look

As the tears fill my eyes

And I see what not getting help took

It took our dreams for our future

That we once had,

And locked your mind

In memories of your past

It took our laughter and joy

And replaced it with tears

It broke our family apart

Now we live in anxiety and fears

It took the purity of our love

And rattled it like a cage

To the point where I can’t trust

What version of you I will get each day.

It took my person, my love

And the warm tender thoughts

And replaced it with heart ache

And unimaginable loss.

It took it all

over years not months

Anytime you were upset

You lost all my trust

I say goodbye and close the door

Mental health is not a game

Unresolved trauma will become more

Our song is over now

But we don’t bow

Maybe now some day

the play list will change around.