The Alien who came for tea

I was sitting alone watching the news

When a spaceship came to spoil my view

A little grey man wandered toward me

And on my knees I screamed out a loud plea

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I said please don't take me up into space

Please I don't want to end up in a base

Oh please put nothing up, oh you know where

Oh please do not shave off all of my hair

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And he replied with very good English

There's something we wanted to distinguish

You see all your life you look at the light

Does it not at all look just to be white?

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White? I asked with the sun shining bright gold

Could the sun be white the colour of cold?

When it's as hot the cheese in my toasty

Someone I'll admit I do eat mostly

Now speaking of which how rude could I be

To not offer a guest a cup of tea

I need to get up to pop the kettle on

And with this tea would you like a scone?

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Then the little grey man looked up in awe

For he just could not believe what he saw

He asked what sort of contraption is this?

A device that quickly brings such sweet bliss?

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I asked the alien if his tooth was sweet

And prepared a scone as an extra treat

The little grey man asked for two teaspoons

And changed the channel to watch some cartoons

As I sat down with the little grey man

He looked around as if doing a scan

He asked why we looked at screens all day long

Wherever they flew from Cork to Hong Kong

Cork, Hong Kong and now the on isle of Mann

What kind of journey did the alien plan?

And why now to a forgotten island?

Did big cities leave the alien frightened?

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From the small screens you carry everywhere

On trains where everyone fixes their glare

Travelling to stare at more bigger screens

From United states to the Philippians

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So many questions and so little time

At this rate I'll miss my nightly true crime

only about thirty minutes away

Oh dear I do hope this alien doesn't stay

On that? I pointed towards the telly

Just an advertisement for some jelly

I'd make some but I have a full belly

Now back to the show; the Machiavelli

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What an absolute waste of a landing

Where you could not help my understanding

I'm going to have to be demanding

To take that which is very outstanding

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And then just like that, pouf, he disappeared

But at that moment I felt something weird

Yes the atmosphere of the room was smeared

And I soon discovered what I had feared

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That small grey man did greatly unsettle

When that bastard stole my fucking kettle