Tell: The Story of Lu VIII

Of course we made up. I eventually revealed myself to you. On the condition that I stopped trying so hard to make us more, you would come back to me. I guess that it didn't mean wee had to stop flirting because you sure didn't.

You went to some wedding. I didn't even know you were going. I just knew that I had laid down to rest and relax. You sent me some picture of you in jeans and a button up with this white or cream colored cowboy hat. You started telling me that you were a cowboy and I laughed at you. You were definitely drinking or something.

Things heated up a bit because I just kept making fun of you. I got whiplash when you told me to ride you like a cowgirl. I started to get a bit awkward but I wasn't going to complain. You started telling me you weren't going to go easy on me. That you would break me. I could only laugh and taunt you.

"We were honest and you were dreaming and it was so nice to see you dreaming again. I was scared of your dreams being nothing more than the shadows of your anger that you let ruin your life....I told you once and this only proves it, 'We always make our way back to each other.' No matter the fight...the time....we just can't resist being us."

Every once in a while my love would kill me. And I'd have to beg you for space. To just leave me alone. One night I did just that. I was crying. You were yelling. Until you were crying. You told me that I couldn't just leave you. That if there was ever going to be a constant in your life, it was me. You needed me.

It hurt so much to watch you speak with that pain in your voice. It killed me to know that it was my fault. It was so different watch you be the one who refused to let go. It took every ounce of resilience in my heart to stand my ground and take my hand back.

That night you called me because you had a nightmare. You had a dream that you killed your entire family. You needed me to console you. Maybe your heart just ached for me.

"You ask me why I would leave you

crying as I say have to go.

You've long known the answer.

The pain of leaving is temporary.

But the pain of sitting here

still star crossed lovers-

that could last forever."

When you had left before, I had come to this new conclusion. I realized I wanted to be a wrestler. Not an Olympic type of wrestler. But more like WWE. During this time, I realized that holding a relationship would be hard. Traveling all the time meant you really only had time to work and hold friendships with the people you work around. The chances of someone being gay or bi are much less likely than I cared for. So I began to give up on a relationship.

Of course you had picked up boxing though. If you could make it to a professional level, you'd be traveling a lot too. In my head, I started to connect puzzle pieces that maybe didn't really fit together.

If I traveled all the time for work, you could just come with me and have your matches along the way. It was a bit of a stretch but it was the first time I had really thought of a good option for a relationships.

"Let me fly into these clouds and find the silver lining. I just need to find a little hope. Even if it feels too far away. "