Tell All: The Story of Lu V

The second year of us talking was only filled with more drama. We would talk for a while and then fight. Then we'd block each other. Somehow one of us would always find a way to get ahold of the other. It was falling in love and then falling out. Just so we could fall back in place.

At one point, we had a conversation about how well I understood you. For some reason, I always knew what you were thinking. Your words were a drug laced with emotion and I was addicted. I knew it and out.

After that, you started asking me for relationship advice. I didn't really know how to take up my own space. So while I mentally gagged on my love, I advised you. You always felt much better though I'm not really sure you cared or took the advice. You would do this every few weeks or so. I was being constantly reminded of how everyone else could get you but I wouldn't even get to touch.

"You said let's just be friends

and I went along.

Bullets to these butterflies

shots to my chest

Can't you tell this is killing me?

I'm not actor.

I can't pretend

and this isn't okay.

I still love you

and I hate this."

One time I got mad enough that I blocked you on everything. A while later (I don't remember why) I unblocked you. You blocked me in return. That Thanksgiving you unblocked me just long enough to send me a meme of two Power Rangers fucking. It was captioned, "this could be us but you're too busy playing."

I texted you on one of your billion Instagram accounts and pointed out that you blocked me this time. That you were the one playing. You laughed and agreed. We apologized to each other and made up. I kinda wish we had just learned to make up maturely long before this. Neither of us were very mature when it came to romance or egos though.

"I see your chubby cheeks in this picture of you. Five years ago who knows what lies were stored there. I prayed it was innocence stuffed in those cheeks. Still I couldn’t care less when I saw your smile.

Here’s a picture of your body now. You were so proud of the change you made. All I could see was the way you dangled yourself in front of me. See you intimately. But never touch. I gave you my restraint. Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

Pictures on pictures until the only part of you that seems real anymore is a memory of what we were before."

My feelings for you were only growing more. Even as we fight, I loved you more each day. I struggled to get you off my mind just as much as I struggled to get you out of my life.

You are my rose with its hidden thorns. A virus that keeps getting me sick but still, I can't bear to sanitize myself of you. You are the words that won't stop spilling from my mouth onto these keys into this short story. Five chapters of our nonsense. Over 3,000 words of two years of trouble. There's still three years to go. Although the last couple years aren't as drawn out.

And even as Romeo drinks his poison and Juliet stabs herself and our story becomes inevitable, I find myself still loving you so hard. I love you enough that here I give my time to share all my memories of who we were.

"'If I was an angel

I'd never have to try

so hard to save you..."

-Kacey Musgraves

These wings could take flight

and we wouldn't fight

and hearts wouldn't break.

I'd take you by the hand

lead you along so

you'd fall in love just a little more.

We wouldn't have to worry about falling back-

just fall forwards

and find my embrace.

I am not perfect

and I'm no angel

There's no halo over my head.

I can't save us

trust me-

I've tried a hundred times."