Tell All: The Story of Lu IV

Springs turn to summers and our love became heated. You broke up with your girlfriend and I thought for one second we stood a chance. You needed a second. I encouraged you to take it. I thought I'd wait. Then I said something flirty. You lost it. You told me that you were no longer bi. You were straight now. I was lost. What had even happened?

You told me all about how you got a new girlfriend. How you were excited and happy. I guess over text you wouldn't be able to see my tears. You told me that your sexuality changes depending on who you're dating. It wasn't adding up. You didn't care. I walked out.

"You have no idea how many times I wished you'd love me. How I wish it was you and me, not you or me."

It was a couple months before you two broke up. Something about her not trusting you. She thought that you were cheating on her.

You came back and I let you in. We started everything back up. It was almost as if nothing had ever happened. Why did I do that? I trusted you. I've always been one for second chances. So I tried again.

Then you did the same exact thing. You got another girlfriend and turned away from me. You did it all again. We started flirting and you started two-timing and I kept falling for it. Then when things got too heated with your girlfriend, I was the first thing to go.

We washed and repeated. The next time you texted me, you told me you were gay. I mockingly asked who your new boyfriend was. You said you were tired of girlfriends. I couldn't help but shake my head. Guess what? I still took you back. I think you made it about two weeks before you had another girlfriend and kicked me to the curb.

"I'm already losing enough of my heart without losing you too."

We did this for almost a year. We have some good memories. Some awful ones. Some memories make me still want to hit you.

Perhaps one of my fondest was when you determined a song for us. I was telling you about how my mom used to choose a song that she'd dedicate to us. My song was "Arms Wide Open" by Creed. My sister's wound up being "No Scrubs" by TLC. You were quick to make a decision. "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur. Initially I thought it was cute. Nowadays, I realize why you chose it.

I've always had a passion for music. In particular I love singing. I used to run this meme account and every once in a while, I'd post covers of songs. Usually just 10-30 seconds. I was so lovesick that I recorded a cover of "Say You Won't Let Go." I didn't think you'd find it. You didn't know about that account. You found it anyway but you thought it was sweet that I would record it. I was nervous that you'd critique me. Everybody I've ever loved has always been so quick to be harsh.

"'I know I needed you

but I never showed...'

-James Arthur

You were the air I needed to breathe in.

The water I drank to keep me alive.

Let me bury your heart into my chest

and your soul in my eyes.

Almost a year after we met, I asked you what the chances of us being together were. You told me you weren't sure. You said it would be easier if we lived closer. The distance wasn't easy. You were right about that.

I was worried that my two and a half years older was too old. I'm not sure why but being 17 while you're 14 or 15 felt weird. Our trauma's had always forced us to be 30 but it didn't change the reality of our ages. Even when you were raising a literal child, there were still times when your pubescent mannerisms still showed. It was those moments that made me question us more. I wasn't really better.

When we got older, the age became less of an issue. We never did get any closer in space though.

"'If I was your hero,

would you be mine?'

-Faouzia

Would you kiss me

like this is a curse

we can just make go away?

Would you lay me down

and make me yours

while I moaned your name?

If I saved you

would you fall ten times over?

Can I do the same?

If I was your hero

would you love me once again?

Can you be my hero

so I know you care again?"