Tangled Thoughts

Abandon me.

Throw me away and stop caring.

Endless cycle of halfhearted feelings

deepens the barren wasteland

inside my chest.

♡

Love is a dream; something

I cannot attain being myself

nor playing the part others orchestrate.

Simple, safe, warm. Those are what

I desired from the abstract emotion.

Was it too much? Not enough?

Do I deserve such a feeling?

♡

Tired, drained. Feelings that seem

ingrained into my being... When

was the last time this weight rested

anywhere but me? Smile though,

others' problems outweigh your own.

Like a clown, paint on the expression

and put on the show. That is what's expected.

♡

Constantly at the end of the line,

propelling others forward, and yet

no one thinks to grab this hand

outstretched. A desperate plea

masked as an encouraging push.

Eyes avert and ears tune out because

I will always hold second place, to anyone

and to everyone. Myself especially.

♡

Love will find me when I am able

to place myself first and finally believe

that I deserve love, unconditional

without having to prove my worth.

That is my wish, although

it feels like a pipe dream.