Suicide Won’t Win

It’s not fair that some of us are tortured with suicidal thoughts.

I’ve been in recovery for five years and yet I still get them.

Not all the time.

Not as much as I used to.

But when I have a bad day, my mind still goes there.

This morning I woke up with suicidal thoughts.

I was scared and frustrated and felt really dark.

What is it that causes a mind to do this?

Is mental illness so awful that it can make your mind want to kill you?

Why does that happen?

It’s got to be the worst illness of all.

Living in a healthy body with a mind that wants to kill you.

It’s not just suicidal thoughts either.

It’s for anxiety, depression, and all the other mental illnesses as well.

Living with a mind that makes the life you’re living feel dark and hopeless.

A mental illness that blocks out all the good in life.

It’s so twisted.

No one deserves this.

No one deserves to be kept up by anxiety all night with a mind saying you’re about to die.

I can’t make it go away.

For me or for anyone.

But I can tell you that I’m in this with you.

That you don’t have to fight this monster alone.

We can fight it together.

All of us.

Because we are stronger together right?

It can’t beat us that way.

And I will not let suicide take my life.

Please don’t let it take yours.