Stumbling upon the treasures of colourblindness

As I am beyond reasonably colour blind, i have been well informed by external eyes, that my view is different to those who are not.

Your most ocean blues are my florescent pinks, your brightest tree leaf greens, my deep, vibrant orange. All colours take on a world of their own to me, and are uniquely defined by a specific tone differeniation compared to what is considered normal.

Not that I ever cussed at this. In fact I have loved this my whole way through. It has allowed me to feel unique. Just a little more so than our simply individual little humanistic quirks. It only proved difficult once for a short while, as when I was young the children teased at school as they did not understand. You see it is only through lack of knowledge that we judge and belittle that which is different.

So, small as it may be... this saw me shave the colour from the tops of my pencils, writing the colours that were correct to the outside world, but so wrong to me... guided to the colours name as oppose to its unique beauty in colour itself. Placed in a box, yet again. I guess then i did not see, that spiritually, I was to a degree stripped of my visual representation of the universe surrounding the I that i reside, as "we must abide by normality to be accepted"!

Yet I have recently learnt that this perhaps is my gift. That there is infact more to colpurblindness than I had ever paid attention to before! As I write above; not ever have I believed it to be a curse, but it simply had not entered my mind that this can play as one of the most profound metaphors relevant within my life thus far. In using one loose analogy of "that inwhich they see yellows, as do i see blue". I learnt this is indeed true. Yes metaphorically, but more - spiritually too! I have been gifted to see in a way others can not. Allowing myself an entirely different pattern of both vision and thought. And be it, most importantly, without force - it just is. Yes, within our materially physical state, but it was here I felt I unlocked the essence to its universal meaning also. In a way, what I have discovered comes only so natural to me, just as the air that fills my lungs. And in a world that ridicules and detests that which is different. In a world that is so visibly distraught, yet with eyes so blind... it is here that enables me to feel as though I do finally begin to belong. Who could have thought my sense and personal interpretation of colour i had been told I was so incorrect and deficient in... would allow me to belong in a world I felt so disconnected. The irony that is my colourblindness has also brought a most clear vision still. Yet it were only via my lack of knowledge that created this perception! In a place and a time where I constantly battle, the war that rages within the self i reside, through it's pushes and pulls of darkness and light. The tug of war that is between my internal universe and societies perceived outside reality. A place where I continuously wrestle with feeling as though I am an outcast banished to the outer regions of non existential necessity. A constant battle within, as I grieve of not feeling worthy, nor to feel enough... I grapple. Time and time and time again. Between the ocean and the sands. Between the cities to forests, and too, the heavens to the hells. From one extreme to the other it bares it's constant angels and demons. But my dear friend. It was here, with my blindness to colours I have learned, that perhaps it is I that is not so blind. Perhaps it is I that can see. And a many of they who lack in an array of colour, with grey veil blinding their sight. Self thought replaced by regirgitation. Perhaps in a world that is so blindly trusting in what they accept, it is here I am given opportunity to stand tall and see far and wide, see as clear as the day is bright. It is here in this metaphor that fell from my unconscious lips within beautifully deep conversation, that my colourblindness, bought me closer to see and witness greater still, my sense of belonging; yet another key that unlocks my home upon this plain. To allow my roots within this life to delve deeper into the soils of this rich earth, and wrap, and stretch, and bury further beyond what I have felt before. The tears of joy that came baring within the senders message when received, only nestled my roots well within gratitude and its overwhelming fullness to soul. Dampening the soil for further growth still! It was here i felt such emotion. Such praise. Such.... size. I felt larger than life itself... i felt... infinite! You see friend. The more i learn of life. The more that uncovers this truth; There be a reason for everything and all. It is only our lack of knowledge that these colourful gifts fall transparent to the onlookers so called "watchful eye". The universe had simply planted this stumbled letter upon my lips for this very present time. As in recent months, the more I write, the further I have found myself questioning why it is I am here, and why I lack such sense of belonging. Via the quest of endevouring to learn by excitement, curiosity and natural intrigue... it is here that I dissolve yet another layer from my lack of knowledge and sight, and contribute to the colourful canvas of life titled "The evolution of self". This enables me to uncover and release the deeper treasures of subconsciously developed lack of faith, of worthiness and trust in self. The overloaded bag of skeptisism. And again lighten my shoulders. Lighten my load. My mind. My soul. My heart. My goal. To learn the most of myself in order to help others learn the most of themselves. That is all I seek... honest. I ask that I learn to grow the ears necessary in order to hear the messages intended. And with profound moments as this. My ear has learned to be both lower to the ground and higher to the sky. For the deeper I grow, the taller i stand. The stronger my wings, the greater they span; as it is my wings that shall carry me and allow me to see me, see me - in all its colourful wisdom and glory. And furthermore, the deeper I trust, the greater the winds shall be at my back and caress my wings. For to flow with the nature of ones good graces - that of the universe itself; is to have lived this experience full and well. And this, is all I intend. So and ode to you, colour - dear friend. I thought it were you that had left me... yet it is you who has infact gifted my world... and I that abondoned you, yet did not understand. And for this I am sorry. But too, to reconnect and embrace in ways we have never... i am more thankful than you could know!