still-.it.hurts
Another blackout poem. introspective.
figure best -to write - - not e.dit - until - - the bitter conclusion...Indo.ing so I can unpack myfeel.ings,lay it all out on the sc.and decide fromtthere what to do
You...see. I generally have someplan when writ.ing about anyth.ing but not this time, I just wanted to let my thoughts take me
to get off my chest, all Ineed - freemyself, unburdenmyself of - guiltorselfish loath.ing -feel - I think of you
-figure my newfoundjoy in writ.ing - unfurl.ing the pains - s t r e s s e s - mymind will... help me deal with - all
thehaildidnotfallthemoulddidnotsmellthevanillatastedsweetthecompassstillworkedandthespiderwebslookedlikefancylacethedayshepassed
butyou were.far.too.gone.toknow----to care. If you. ever. did.
The resentment - - at times, can't be kept in a jarin bacofmymind, it can't be set.. aside for later
it bubbles to the surface and I want to scream...scream my pains, ...entitled
though, ...pains feel unwarranted and unjust, there are of course, others who have experienced worse than me
(drunkardlackoingrealaffectiondidn'tknowhow)still it hurts I had you to look up to, or not...asthecasemaybe, still it - - still I suffer
in small - seem.ingly in.-.significant ways, - see, because - trauma of - absentee is different from trauma of - abused
but.-.still-.i.t.hurts
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: Wanted this to have a very unpolished look with blackout elements and other things that upset how it reads. Also the clearout of the digital sofa continues!
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
Keep reading
More stories from Paul Stewart and writers in Poets and other communities.
Comments (3)
Well done. Intense!
Paul, this is as raw as a razor burn and ten times as painful. These hurts do not go away easily or quickly. I think your stream of conscious absence of editing and cramming long strings of words together multiplied the effect of loss, sorrow and rage. I almost felt your hurt as if it were my own.
It's interesting to read in this form. Got me thinking a bit. I wonder how capable I am of writing pure thought or whether the act of articulating formats the thoughts to some extent.