Stay warm whatever way you can

I believe there must be pages torn from my instruction manual

There is a vague yet constant sense that others know well something they’re not telling

A secret the rest of the world is in on

And I, I am out

Out in the cold

Out of fashion

Out beyond the black stump where it’s too much effort to tread

A fish out of water gasping when others breathe deep and easily

I get picked last at games

I get picked first for duty

I don’t get picked at all when it comes to fun

But I hear the laughter

Always up ahead, or around a corner

It teases but never reveals itself

Like Miranda at Hanging Rock

But more like a joke the rest of the world is in on

And I, I am out

Out of bounds

Out at bat

Out of tune

Out at sea beyond the horizon where it’s too much effort to stop and squint and see

My brow is always furrowed, burrowing for the shared secret, the in-joke

I have the wrinkles to prove I’ve tried

But I’ve never found “the thing”

My pass in, in all the ways I’ve been out

Whichever direction I approach I have the wrong tangent

I am the child alone in the wardrobe listening as others play in Narnia’s snow

I’ve noticed though

There are others with knotted brows

People just a little separate from the crowd with the whiff of fear about them

A detectable fragrance of panic

They don’t have the secret either

They don’t know the punchline

But they’ll pretend all the while knowing they’re pretenders

Terrified of being found out

Of being cast out

Out into the cold

Oh my friends, here is to you & me – part bemused part terrified & so very human

Gulp down your dread and stay warm whatever way you can