Spoken Word: Unsent Letters IV

I’ve always loved setting goals for myself

And I stayed loyal to the check lists in my life

The calligraphy of my pre teens inspired dreams

who would I be before I was 25?

When I was 14 I dreamed of living alone and having my own apartment

Because my song at the time was

“Miss Independent”

I meant it

And promised myself

I’ll go out and get it

I got it

Embodied my definition

Of independently livin

Drive and ambition

Conditioned

My mind

And fruition

Became the theme of my life

But of course it was deeper than just a song

What I wanted, I want

More than anything

The real dream

Is security

Security is directly

Liked to my peace

My safety

My source of comfort

And if I don’t have that in my life

I’m in distress

Stuck in my head

And not present

Can’t comprehend

The moments flying by in front of me

Because I’m filled with anxiety

And it’s intense

But I digress

I look at my accomplishments

and I’m proud

I thank God for giving me the strength

To stick it out

I can do anything I put my mind to

And yet here I am

Still tryna figure out

How

To gain true security in the matters of love

Because in everything else

I only need to trust myself

Here I am almost 25

Afraid to even try

Again

Almost 25

And still not married yet

I know thats something that shouldn’t have a time limit

I’ve just cared for myself for quite sometime

I can’t help if my desires incline

To separate from me

Unite

With a soul as vibrate as mine

And not be alone

Like I’ve been all my life

But it’s been unattainable

I ask myself why

I’m not gonna cry

Just been down that road too many times

And I’d love to free fall

Enthrall my heart

And eyes

To see life

Through Enchanted lenses

La Vie En Rose

My Sweet intentions

Are the effervescent

Essence

Illuminating through my presence

Stimulating

All 5 senses

Breathtaking and effortless

To just Remanence it

Makes me want to try again

But I’m hesitant

And it’s evident

I need to be careful

Because it’s so easy

To confuse

Capacity

For potential

It’s easy to cling to what could be

Instead of the present reality

What’s right in front of me

Is the best it can get

With them

So it’s best to cut my losses

And forget

The dream I built in my head

Because if I don’t release the dream

That’s how I become obsessed

Become upset

Then resent

The one I loved

And I’m done

Resenting

And regretting

Moments I’ve traded peace for agony

Is just insanity

I wanna feel safe

I’m drained

My arms are weak from holding up my weight

The thing about free falling

Is you never know where you’ll end up

Unrequited love

It’s such a painful place

But next time I won’t be afraid

Because next time I’m not falling

Next time I’m landing

I’m happy

To never fall again

Falling is chaos

But landing has intention

Falling is blind

Landing knows where it’s headed

Embedded in my mind

Never to let anyone waste my time

Energy

Soul

Body

I’m honestly

Promising

Live

And subconsciously

I’m untied

Til I tie

the knot

You land

and you fly

If it doesn’t work out

I love you, but goodbye

And if I don’t get to

Say I do

I’m cool

Forevers a long time