Somewhere

I'm going somewhere, where my heart is. Because my chest is not its home. It does not hold that alluring smell, of that one meal, you can't get anywhere else. You won’t find that warm coziness of comfort. Nor the sweet kiss of love. This place is void of feelings, my heart went out but never came home. No, I cannot stay, for to stay is to be heartless. To be heartless is to be numb. And to be numb.....to be numb is to be dead. Because I can't resist the urge to cut me open to see if I bleed. Do I have the icky sticky red goo inside my veins if there's nothing to put it there? Oh, how beautiful it would be, to see it all run from me. Yes, yes now to dissect me like the frog I am, jumping at every turn. Terrified, so fucking terrified that everyone is this massive stalking bird looking for prey. Prey? Pray not to be prey. Pray not to be alone. Pray not to fall prey to your loneliness. For when there are other frogs looking for friends. Suddenly I'm a tadpole turning tail and swimming away. Fleeing the very companionship I so desperately need. Falling prey yet again to my own damn fear. Again so fucking terrified. Terrified, alone, numb. Oh the beauty that death must hold. The sombreness of the end. The peace as it is all over. No more pain. No more fear. No longer prey. But my end is yet to come. My fear has only grown, and pain has nearly won. So I must go somewhere, where my heart is. To fill this empty hole. Terrified that if I can’t find it I’ll forever be alone.