Social Anxiety

I am in a room full of chitter chatter.

They see me across the way, but do I really matter?

They talk amongst one another.

My own hesitancy to approach them does smother.

Enjoyment in the air.

I want to be included, but do they really care?

A friendly smile on many a face.

Negative feelings overtake my inner desires and I never cut through the chase.

I stand on the sidelines wanting to be in their midst.

My inner thoughts tell me that I'm not on their list.

Listening to their conversations and hearing about their shopping trips.

But alas still nothing comes from my lips.

Will I ever be included?

My introvertedness is deeply rooted.

I am not really shy, and I always ask myself why?

If only I could approach them and break out of this rigid shell,

I would be able to escape my own created, internal hell.

Do they understand my immense social anxiety and apprehension? It's not shyness just extreme nervous tension.

I dont know why I constantly feel this fear, but I do really want them to know that I am here.

Listen to me I have many things to say, but not when your are near me, I need to keep you at bay.

At this point their conversation has almost died and I'am still standing here frozen in my pride.

Lastly I wonder what they must think of me?

That poor, mute, odd sole over there...As quiet as quiet can be.