She didn't tell me so she lied
leaving me with thousands of
tears over the years I've cried.
Now in hindsight, I understand
the sudden trip to Disneyland,
visiting a beach with white sands,
and wow, that stop in Hollywood ,
the Walk of Fame with all the names,
I couldn't believe I had it so good!
Of course, I was a fool because there was
a reason I was missing so much school.
She knew but I did not so she lied.
I was oblivious in the worst kind of way
selfishly unaware and I blame myself to this day.
Trips to the mall to buy a new dress,
so easily forgiven when I made a mess.
A new record player,
Mounds of comic books,
My very own TV,
Now you're beginning to see,
she bought me everything a girl could want or need
she told my brothers but not me
thus stole my chance to live in reality.
She thought I was too young so she lied.
Had I have known, the questions would
have poured out of me like blood from a cut
instead she left me with so many
Ands, if onlys, and buts...
And oh so many unanswered questions
about the secrets
of all life's greatest lessons.
See, I didn't need toys, prizes or trips abroad,
those aren't important now that she's gone.
She wanted to spare me the truth that she was dying, so she lied.
Decades later I'm still angry inside
So when all was unsaid and done
all she really left me was
A Beethoven bust,
A lot of broken trust,
The love of poetry,
Tons of insecurity,
years and years of acting wild
but mostly she left me
a motherless child.
About the Creator
ᔕᗩᗰ ᕼᗩᖇTY
Sam Harty is a poet of raw truth and quiet rebellion. Author of Lost Love Volumes I & II and The Lost Little Series, her work confronts heartbreak, trauma, and survival with fierce honesty and lyrical depth. Where to find me
Let's Don't Do This
"I just can't do this anymore..." "Do what?" What can't you do? Put gas in your own car? I swear to God you make me take care of everything, don't you? You know I'm on my way to work right now but that never stops you from bothering me, does it?"
By Shirley Belk7 days ago in Fiction
Comments (5)
Oh my, that is so sad. I'm sorry for your loss.
Oh dear, this was so heartbreaking to read. You have written this so beautifully - we can feel the pain. Take care, Sam.
Oh Sam, the whole poem builds up to it, but those last two lines HURT. This is stunningly beautiful and so so sad. Children like to understand things, even if it's hard, instead of learning everything from hindsight. I'm sorry for the pain this has left you, even though it seems to have came from a place of caring; that doesn't make it easier.
And this is why I always want the truth no matter how much it'll hurt me. Because nothing would ever hurt as much as knowing that we were being lied to. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
This was so moving, Sam. The things that people do to shield us which actually do the opposite.