so it begins

so it begins

the uncontrollable migraines

the foggy memory

the fidgeting

the feeling of loneliness even when everyone is around

when i blast music in my ears even when someone is talking

when i feel the need to pick at my skin

maybe because it is so uncomfortable

in this body

when it is no longer living or existing

it is just floating

as if i was a microscopic being in this world

that no one even looked at

some may see that as depressing

to me, it sounds like a dream

to not be looked at

to not be judged

especially not desired

to just be

without any worries, any headaches, any thing

how am i so exhausted from life when it has only begun

why has the world been so cruel since the moment i could drool

my heart breaks for the person i see

i don't even see them as me

because i am just a spec of dust

watching from the outside

one that flies around the room watching you cry at night

one that sees all the ugliness

all the numbness

all the pain

all the episodes

it is like watching a tv show

seeing you try so hard to find things that will help you sustain

yourself

how i pity this decaying human

looking so empty

yet full of mush and love

slowly being consumed by life

yet not at all