So Easily Forgotten

I often find myself thinking so this is what it would be like once I'm dead and gone.

You grow up making friends sometimes getting so close it's as if they are a part of your family.

You go through ups and downs together. You attend their wedding, baby showers, and family funerals.

But then one day things just change. You stop and give yourself pause. How, how did things get this way.

Even after your best friend's parents divorced and your friend had to move away you still kept in contact.

You kept in touch and shared all the directions life had taken each of you and all the accomplishments you may have missed out on.

You share pictures, stories, posts on social media all while never truly talking or connecting.

Those visits you once looked so happily at slip between the cracks and become few and far between.

Then you realize it's not because your friend wasn't in the area visiting family or other friends. They just weren't visiting you.

What changed you ask yourself, am I not the same person that I've always been?

Maybe that's the problem, or maybe you have changed. Slightly over time the pungent taste of life has left a bad smell that lingers in the air.

Everything around you became stagnant. The once sweet aroma you carried around in your soul filled with happiness has become rancid.

You didn't see how jaded you had become as you had to go through your hard times of life on your own.

Although you were always there for everyone else, and put others before yourself. There was no one who ever did the same for you.

You grew up, forced to grow up too quickly, by the things you had witnessed in your own life. The secrets you had to keep locked up behind closed doors.

You couldn't speak about certain things so your childhood was robbed. You were never allowed to experience the same things all the other kids your age could.

You grew up not learning how to share your thoughts and feelings, never learning good coping mechanisms. 

In the end all you learned was how to push it all down, drink it away to numb the pain, and build up walls to never let anyone in or get close to you.

In all essence you were learning how to push people away and keep them at a distance, you were teaching others how not to love you!

So you go about life always placing yourself last, and others see your kindness as a weakness a vulnerability that they can exploit.

Like a naive kid you allow others to take advantage of you and after life has knocked you down and you become worthless and hopeless.... now it's too late to change the outcome.

You try to heal yourself. You try to search for love, that hides, it's no longer within your view. You try to find yourself and who you once were, but now that person is gone and no where to be found.

You try to rebuild your strength, but all you are left with is weakness, fragments of a once happier time.

Phone wiped clean, flowers tossed on a grave, just like that your life ends and by most you have been forgotten.

Remind yourself to spend time with those who are close and will remember you even after you are dead and gone!