Smoke and Ash

Time and time again, certain thoughts cross my mind. Relentless in their passing. They call to me, dancing around the walls of my mind. Should I do this? Should I do that? Yet, what if what I want to do, is not what I should do? Or, what if what I should do, is what I should do? What if I sincerely want to do something, it’s ingrained in my heart and mind yet… I seem to hesitate every time?

The thoughts of smoke and ash always manage to wrap themselves around me. Tightly caressing me, convincing me that all I really need is here with them. They cover my eyes, claiming that the light is too bright for me to look at. That the light is too pure for me to become apart of it.

Sometimes… When they aren’t looking, I manage to catch a glimpse of the illuminated, but I soon realize that… I… Do not belong there. I am not a part of that world.

The thoughts of smoke and ash thrive in my longing, pulling my attention back to them. But all I want is to join The Others in the brilliant white. All I want is to become one with them.

But all I’ve ever known is here.

So I’ll let the Smoke and Ash guide me.