Smile.

I smile.

I smile for the hell of it.

I smile because I’m happy.

I smile to make a stranger smile back.

I smile to make myself feel better.

But what I don’t understand is why?

Why do I smile?

Why do I smile when I’m sad?

Why do I smile when I’m angry?

Why do I smile when I want to cry?

Why do I smile to make others happy?

Does it matter if I am?

Does it matter if it’s real?

Why is there so much pressure on a smile?

Seems to be something so innocent.

Yet it’s not.

I have a million reasons not to smile.

I’ve been through more then most people could live with.

I’ve been beaten, I’ve been walked on.

I’ve been taken advantage of.

I’ve been passed my limit and thought there was no way I could keep going.

But I did!

I do!

Even more I do it with a smile.

I’ve had someone push themselves against me.

I’ve had someone keep going even when I said no!

Even when I said stop!

Yet I smile!

I live!

I love!

And that nasty word sex that should make me want to puke brings me happiness.

Maybe because I told myself I’d survive.

Maybe because I told myself I’d live.

Maybe because I told myself they wouldn’t rule my life.

Because they don’t control me.

Maybe because I decided I wanted to smile.

I wanted to be happy.

I wanted these nightmares to end.

They would never control my life.

But they did.

At one point they did.

At one point I didn’t smile.

I hid.

From everything and everyone.

At one point it felt anyone that looked at me already knew my story & they felt pity.

They would never look at me.

But all the things I’ve been through.

Until I woke up.

This wasn’t going to be my life.

I will smile!

And god damnit it will be real!

They have no power.

Not over me.

Not it my life.

I am not weak!

My life will not be this.

I will smile!

I will smile for the rest of my life.

No matter what for it will always mean something to me.