simple facts: you are the first and last, the only.

i know i was very bad at being good

i never meant to do any of it to you

i am still growing, each time i am torn in two

it happens far too fucking often and i know it makes no sense

i know you think its all for no reason, when i go so blue

you told me i am stronger than i think. and fear is what is tied to my feet

i am what is letting me sink

maybe i should try to be less dense

halfway through this

i realized i need to write in the past tense

here is what life is like in the present:

in each man's face, each smile, each touch, each man's eyes

all i see is you

all i feel is you

so i drink myself blind

i tried to be clean

worthy

steady

kind

but how can i rain from second best highs?

i know i have fucked this up a plethora of times

but the blame cannot fall to me again

you think by doing and confessing nothing

you're innocent

you think i have no reason

but in withholding what i needed so badly to be said

you've given me an endless season

stuck in the winter, looping into endless chases of our 2018 summer

set in the city of addison

neither of us could completely articulate

i was never yours and you were never mine

but you let me know each time you make the escape

that i always was, and that fact remains

some things dont ever need to be said, and how stupid was i

to not see this truth?

our relationship was comprised of invisible

but palpable, undeniable

energy exchange

leaving love notes in any blank space

in the books we trade

red lipstick kiss stains

i know you wont appreciate

all this

done for you

goes to waste

now, it will just have to be okay.

-g.m.t