Shining through Eclipses

Once upon a time, I was falling in love but now I’m only falling apart

Yeah, I guess I have a total eclipse of the heart

Like I don’t feel a damn thing

let me address the familiar, the ones I thought I knew

However, y’all are actually unknown to me too

I simply don’t have the energy

I used to be more concerned with you and now I’m more concerned with me

You made me bitter, jaded

I looked in the mirror and what I saw I hated

My self esteem was so low

Myself I didn’t know

I questioned my worth at every turn

That was the type of treatment I never earned

You never deserved how good I was to you

I gave and you took and took and took and left my heart battered and bruised

I know I stand apart but I can’t tell by the  way that you treated me,

I watched you handle everybody else so kindly

All I got was last minute, left over, afterthought treatment

You basically gave me all your Hell  and treated everybody else like they were heaven sent

I keep beating myself up trying to figure why I wasn’t worthy

why you never really saw me

Why are you never shared anything with me not even real intimacy

I remember one night I tried to touch your face

I wasn’t even trying to invade your space

Just trying to express myself and level with you in a deeper way

And it crushed me into a million pieces the way you snatched away

I never said anything about the way did, you broke me down

I was hurting deep inside yet I still let you come around

The same night it happened you didn’t even realize

How you had hurt me so bad and how the tears filled my eyes

if I really think back there were countless times

you were really so cruel to me, and never really kind

I remember the very first time we were supposed to go on a date

I just thought you were running late

However you never bothered to show your face

You gave that half ass apology

that was far from good enough for me

What’s fucked up is I had to sit there and watch you

Celebrate everybody else while ignoring me too

I kept all of this inside

my real emotions I hide

It just made me realize

That you’ll never look at me the way I viewed you through my blinded eyes

I could sit here and be concerned

Or I could just be wiser and stronger and let it burn

I opt for the latter

because how I felt to you, never mattered

Now that all of that is out of the way

I can say

I’m glad you’re gone,

you made it so much easier for me to move on

What sucks the most though is I thought you were so thorough

turns out that you use people for all you think they are worth, then just up and go

I wouldn’t dare waste my time trying to show everybody the real you

and just like I care less about strangers, do what you do

I’m not interested in revenge because everything you do will come to the light

I would not put any effort into proving that I’m right

It wouldn’t even be worth the fight

See, for me it’s not about who is right, him or her

It’s about the energy that we are putting into the universe

I got a deeper knowledge and a deeper understanding

And trust and believe Karma will get whatever she’s demanding

There is nothing that I can do

To ever repay you

I can sit here and pine

Sit here and whine

I still know all these wounds are healing over time

I figured while I sorted through this mess

That everything I had to say, I would just get it off my chest

I can just get it all out of my system and this again, I’ll never have to address

I’ve seen too much and endured it all

I recovered with my head held high while you did everything you could to make me fall

It’s unbelievable how much you put into tearing me apart

when you could’ve had the dopest love of all because I had given you my heart

I decided to close a door,

it is sealed shut and won’t open no more

I’m not going to be the bigger person and say that I wish you the best because to me

you cease to be

I know the feeling is mutual so we silently agree

I’m free

No more chains of heartbreak surround me

Even though you aren’t, I’m in love with me

I deserve me

and so does he