She Was Me

She stopped doing her hair

Claiming

It was too much of a hassle

But really

She didn't want to get yelled at

For taking too long.

She stopped wearing makeup

Claiming

She just didn't have the time

But really

She didn't want to get accused

Of "wearing it for someone else"

She never wore nice things anymore

Claiming

She couldn't afford them

But really

She wasn't allowed

To spend money

Even if it was her own.

She never talked about

Herself

Kept it to small talk

And the family

Because

Talking about herself meant

Admitting to her abuse.

She always wore a smile

It used to

Light up the room

But now

It was dim,

Like the slightest thing

Would put it out.

She always had a sparkle in her eyes

The kind that

Made you feel safe

But now

They were haunted and aloof like

They were hiding the pain

She couldn't speak about

She used to have friends

People she spoke to

Every day

But now

She was alone.

He made her believe

He was all she'd ever have.

She used to go out

She enjoyed

Being in a crowd

But now

She was afraid and anxious

Like the world

Was out to get her.

She couldn't tell anyone why

She no longer wore makeup

Or did her hair

They wouldn't believe her anyway.

They'd praise it saying

"She's a good wife,

Not tempting other men."

She couldn't tell them why

Her clothes were worse for wear

They'd admire her frugality

Admire her sacrifice,

Saying

"She's so conservative,

So good with her money."

She couldn't explain why

Her conversations were so short

They believed

She was quiet

Yet

They watched her

Suffer in silence.

She couldn't explain

The broken smile

Maybe the stresses

Of being a new mom were

Taking their toll.

They chalked it up to postpartum:

"It'll get better, dear."

She couldn't find that sparkle

The glow she once had

Though she tried

Everything she could.

They'd just say

"She's changed,"

Without a thought as to why.

She couldn't find ways

To see her friends

Though she missed them

Terribly.

The thing was,

He didn't like them, so,

She shouldn't either

She couldn't explain why

She never went out

Why should she

Have fun

Why should she enjoy it

If he'd just

Make her feel bad later?

She had her freedoms

Slowly stripped away.

Little

By little.

Until

In the end,

There was nothing left.

She?

She was me.