She said she hated me.

I can’t remember how old I was,

maybe ten maybe eleven.

But I remember her voice,

not what she was wearing not what I was doing

just the words: 'I hate her.'

It was sharp;

clear enough to sit in my chest

and never leave.

I never said anything,

not then, not to her

but I knew I wasn’t crazy.

When I made my first Facebook,

I added her,

she blocked me right away.

Forr six years I stayed away,

no visits to my dad's house.

I did not feel ready to visit after being blocked.

When I finally went back

she greeted me

like someone greeting a guest.

Not a sister,

no tears,

no I missed you,

because we weren’t sisters,

not really.

We were strangers who shared a last name

and not much else

Still, I tried to be civil.

I minded my own business

and just focused on my academic goals.

2019 came. She said I used her card,

that I did it out of spite.

Let me say this, at that time I was desperate for money,

but I would never steal money from anyone.

My stepmom told me

family needs to be respected.

Told me I was full of resentment,

told me I had to let go of the past.

But when I said

I heard her say she hated me

when we were kids,

my stepmom said

"well that’s because

you once said

your only sister is your older one."

I don’t even remember saying that.

maybe I was eight at the time.

If that happened, I genuinely wished

me and my half sister would have sat down

together to discuss our feelings,

to understand each other,

but it never happened.

So my pain is something I should forget,

but hers gets protected,

held like something sacred,

and I’m just supposed to move on,

Now I don’t regret saying my older sister is my only sister

because she was the only one who defended me.