she asks why she deserves this

She asks why she deserves this.

Sitting in a ball on the floor of her room

In a cold corner

Making herself feel as physically small as she does emotionally.

Tears run down her face unforgivingly

As if it stormed for hours

And the rivers are flooding downstream

Rushing to the ocean

And whisking away everything it crosses paths with.

She asks why she deserves this.

Her heart is broken

Torn between feeling sorry

And feeling defeated.

The messages harass her

And threaten her.

His words slice her skin with a knife slowly

From the top of her throat

Through her chest

Down to her stomach.

Choking up whatever words she can find to say over the phone

Bleeding out from her heart

And twisting her acid-filled stomach into one giant knot.

She asks why she deserves this.

He tells her it’s her fault.

He tells her she did this to him.

He tells her she is garbage.

And yet she’s the one who feels bad.

And though she saw the signs all along

She still saw the good in him

And she thought she could make him better.

She thought he deserved her.

But he never did.

She asks why she deserves this.

When in reality, she deserves the world.

And he deserves to feel the hurt

She’s been enduring all along.

But until she believes she deserves the world,

Until “why do I deserve this”

Turns to “I don’t deserve this”

And until she turns that flame inside her he so consciously blew out into a fire again

She will only welcome someone like him.

She asks why she deserves this.

-lx