Seeing You In Pain

I see your pain;

Though it isn't something I expected, as I sit here in tears,

Watching you shake and cry,

It hurts because you don't always see your pain,

You want to carry on,

Do the things that you used to be able to do,

Even when you know that you can't walk properly

because the pain is so strong;

Yet another day goes by,

You're in more pain;

You forget where you have put things,

Forget where you are,

Forget who I am,

Forget the time and day,

And;

Forget where you live;

The other day broke my heart,

You didn't see that you had done too much

until last night;

You tried to walk across the room,

Then you passed out,

Falling to the floor,

You eyes closed

"Wake up!" I cried three times, frantic that you weren't going to wake,

You didn't hear me,

I had never felt so terrified,

You don't know fear until you're faced with it,

I thought you were going to die;

I called for an ambulance,

Knowing you would tell me off, because you don't like hospitals,

But I had to save your life.

Pain;

They took you to the hospital,

I was left for hours not knowing what was going on,

I had never been so scared in my life,

Then;

Came the call,

They told me that you were lucky to be alive,

If you had landed on the back of your head,

You would have died because of that metal plate,

And,

Your blood pressure was very low,

Pain;

We don't always see physical pain,

And often, it is easier to live in denial than see the extent of the strength

that we have lost,

We want to protect our loved ones,

But sometimes,

We can't;

I'll never forget the guilt,

I thought it was my fault for not being able to catch you,

For not knowing what was wrong;

Every day I wake up,

I worry about what will happen,

I ache mentally,

Because there is no name to the pain,

Just a complex situation,

One brought on by the cancer operation from when you were a child,

The other is from illness that made those disabilities worse,

Every day I try hard,

Though,

You still insist on doing things you are not supposed to do,

It must be frustrating knowing that you can't do those things anymore,

It's frustrating for me too,

Pain;

Nobody wants to suddenly go from being strong to not being able to

do the things they could once do,

And denial is understandable;

I cried today, yesterday, and the day before,

It's frustrating caring with no diagnosis,

My heart breaks every single day and night,

One day,

I hope we will find a way,

Find the real problem,

When you are ready to be open,

Ready to not live in shame,

Ready to know,

That I will be there,

But;

It breaks my heart to know I can't stop this horrible pain.