Seeing Red

I was once a child, I believed that “seeing is believing” but I wasn’t ever able to see past my own reflection. I’d stare in the mirror endlessly, seeing a flaw, seeing a zit, and none of it mattered. I wanted what any normal family wanted, a loving home, a family, to be wanted. I saw nothing but red in my life, rage, anger, jealousy, and I kept it buried, it was as if I was a volcano just on the verge of eruption.

Bullies. Fighting. Bleeding.

All I see is red, trickling down my face, driving away everything I wanted and loved. Hearing people whisper my name, seeing shadows of myself dancing along the walls, I was angry.

Stand up for yourself.

That’s what I kept hearing.

Don’t let them knock you down again.

I let my anger fuel me and I stood my ground to everyone. Even my own family, although whatever turmoil I thought I encountered, it would be nothing compared to the hell I have created for myself.

I was seeing red, enraged, filled with hate, I had set out in life to get revenge on everyone who wronged me, who left me estranged. That anger caused me to lose focus of everything around me, college, family, friends, and love were all but lost.

Slowly but surely the anger passed, letting go of my jealousy to hold me back I praised those around me. I watched myself go from seeing red to having a total clarity, seeing nothing but truth as it were, and this time as I gaze upon myself in the mirror I don’t see a thing wrong, seeing yourself succeed is believing in a better tomorrow.