Searching for Sunlight

Years of bitterness spewing within me

Within the four walls of my room

I try to escape my grief

There is no electricity today

No hot water, my only solace

There’s not enough sunlight

I always want more

More sunlight to soothe my soul

To comfort me, to make me feel alive

To make me forget all about the dull monotony of life

I sometimes think about my mom’s old room

Full of sunlight, way too bright at times

Did it soothe her or annoy her?

I’m not sure, but I remember my childhood

How in that room, I felt safe and calm

The brightness didn’t bother me

Like I mentioned earlier

I always want more

I always wanted more

More light to reach out to

More light to try to hold

But I can’t hold it, I can’t store it

All I can do is feel it

And embrace the warmth

Until I feel like I’m full of light

Until all the darkness within me fades

It’s never enough light

Because the darkness within me keeps growing

So I go searching for sunlight

I understand why my cat basks in the sun

How his white fur glows

How he looks ethereal

His softness illuminated

I look at him from afar

That’s the only time I do not bother him

When he is soaking up sunlight

Maybe I’m just like him

Searching for sunlight, longing for peace

Maybe he’s just like me

Maybe he always wants more

More of everything that brings him peace

Treats and the morning sun

And then a blissful nap behind the couch

Away from everyone, safe in his solitude

I go searching for him

Only to find him asleep, curled into a ball

And I smile

I want more

More sunlight for him

More sunlight for myself

I like it when his fur glows.

Thank you for reading!

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