Save the Queen

I’m finally happy- everything is falling apart in my life but it’s alright. I'm at a point in my life where I’m happy with myself- how I look. Not having to worry about bills or if I'm able to make rent and fill the fridge in the same week. May not have much at the end of each month but life is currently comfortable.

This is the point in life I wanted to be in for the longest time but why does it feel like a trap? What’s the catch? It's been almost 10 years since I felt like this- or been comfortable with my life in general. So, why does it feel like something big and traumatic is coming?

I've been in fight-or-flight mode for so long I've forgotten what's it like to just sit and relax. Yes, I’m still cleaning up the mess of my 20s- but I'm still on the path of finding myself and becoming a better person.

Will this feeling ever go away? As the Queen of my life, I don't need a knight in shining armour to come to save me- I just need to know that everything will be alright.

A part of me is stubborn and wonders, why I need someone else’s validation in knowing everything, will be alright- then again I made it this far without the validation of others. Or is this part of my problem of how I managed to screw up in my 20s?

In my 30s I'm learning it's alright to seek and accept assistance from others.