Sadness of Changes

The darkness inside of me,

it just keeps growing larger.

I'm wanting to scream out loud...

instead I force it smaller.

I made promises to many:

I will bend and will not break;

I will breathe without sobbing;

Love... uncaring what they take.

The space around me is void.

This is the right answer that

they all sought for me to give...

tricks from my magicians hat.

I'd say my heart broke,

but broken things can be fixed.

Right now, I don't see hope.

I'll just keep what I promised.

I will be alright I know...

I survived worse before.

This is no different though...

I guess I don't know for sure.

So don't worry about me!

I'm fine - I must be okay.

The perfect perception though...

just may have to go away!

Why do I have to shrink me...

to make others happier?

Why can't I simply stay safe...

as myself - much happier!?

Don't be difficult, they say.

Don't be clingy, nor needy,

not independent either...

a perfect girl all lovey.

Head aches of contradiction:

Don't trust them to care or stay.

Just stand on your own two feet...

but don't you push them away!

My mask is slipping I know.

I think it'll be back here soon.

I'm getting so very tired...

recharging under the moon.

Accept yourself as alright...

but I've been so very wrong.

Take care ya hear? - you are loved!

No worries... I will be strong!

Fragile like a flower? Well...

Maybe fragile like a bomb?

Perhaps that would be enough

to truly embody calm.

My heart's beating steadily,

and I still feel somewhat whole.

Best policy's honesty?

No - using lies tis the goal.

Will I forever change me?

Will I even like myself?

Playing with the evil rules...

kills individual self.