Resolve.

This year, I will make no resolutions.

I will not start a diet,

or give up sugar,

or join a gym (again).

I will not buy a gratitude journal or a kettlebell or a closet organizing system.

I will not promise to start meditating,

Or drink kale smoothies every day,

Or "become a morning person,"

Or learn a new language in 30 minutes a day,

Or quit drinking or smoking or eating potato chips or watching TV before bedtime.

I will read the same amount of productivity articles as I did last year.

I will waste about the same amount of time,

On Facebook and Hulu and Animal Crossing and and and….

And whatever hip new app captures my attention

for 3 days or forever.

This year, I will grow, and change, and stretch myself--

I will set goals, and achieve them, and fail at them, and forget about them, and change them, and set them again.

But this year, I will not work toward them by bullying myself to be better.

This year, I will not shame myself into following through,

into trying again where I've previously failed,

or into "fixing" that thing that I "should" have fixed a long time ago.

This year, I will not improve by force,

but by nurture.

My growth will be expanding, elevating, soaring,

not swelling from the pain.

So I guess perhaps this is a resolution,

But a resolution of method, not of results.

I hereby resolve to be ferociously kind to myself this year.

I resolve to treat myself with care.

I resolve to give myself love, and patience, and intuition, and understanding.

I will give my body and mind what they need to flourish,

Not, as I have learned to do, the bare minimum required to keep them doing their tricks.

I will ask my body what it wants, and honor the answers it whispers.

I will make decisions with my best interests at heart,

not my best image at heart.

I will treat myself with care and tenderness, not contempt or indifference.

I will protect my best self from my bitter self.

I will nourish my body, my mind, my soul, my essence,

Neither letting them languish in fear or sloth, nor beating them into submission.

I will not cut myself down

with the thousands of "should"s I've sharpened

with old beliefs, old fears, old failures, and old loves.

I will follow my body, honor it, believe it,

rather than discard its wisdom for the haughty, cynical, superior intellect.

I will cultivate my gifts, nurse my weak points, and chase both my passing delights and deep truths.

I will defend by dreams against my inner nay-sayer and “not-today”-sayer,

But I will also listen carefully for when “not today” is a cry for understanding, for rest.

And perhaps along the way there will be gyms, and smoothies, and gratitude journals.

Perhaps my body will ask for better nutrition.

Perhaps my mind will ask me to meditate,

To give us peace and to create a dedicated time to speak.

Perhaps I will learn Italian or Python or yoga,

Because my mind loves to explore, to dig in fresh soil.

But if so, I will be digging for treasure,

gardening for pleasure,

not burying the sting of my shortcomings

or searching in vain for my worth.

I will push myself out of my comfort zone because that’s where the good stuff is,

Not because I’m not good enough to feel comfortable.

I will learn something new because I love to,

Not in order to earn happiness or deserve rest.

I will chase happiness and peace and fulfillment

But I earned the right to them long ago.

I deserve love.

I deserve rest.

I deserve joy -- wild, unabashed joy.

And you do, too.