Resilient Faith

I was once eager to be where I am today,

Now, I question everything I say

When confidence is replaced with doubt,

Identity fades,

Faith shakes,

And I broken,

Not physically, no.

Mentally,

Emotionally,

Spiritually

Pure turmoil

When I feel I need solid ground,

I am tossed in the anger of the ocean

When I seek comfort,

I am left in darkness, abandoned

When I need rational words of ease,

I hear the vile inner hatred of myself

When I seek,

I’m aimlessly doing circles

As if unaware of who I am,

where I am,

and what I am

But,

In my isolation I draw closer to you

I yearn for you

Insatiable thirst.

Yet, I breathe

And it’s the breath that reminds me of your grace

Sometimes we must be broken to be built up stronger

Perhaps I am being mended by your forge?

I don’t see people for what they’ve done, no…

Through tear-sickened eyes, I see people for their heart

I asked to be thrown into the battlefield for your glory,

“Here I am, send me!” I said to you,

And I, like a beacon of light and hope, have been sent.

I trust you, but doubt myself

I seek you in my reflection,

Let them not see me,

Instead let them see you.

Let my isolation be the impact that your people need,

If I just be still, then you will move my feet

You will provide the calls of service,

You will refine and prepare me for the plans you have for me,

The plans I denied time and time again,

The plans, that are now in motion because I was tired of fighting you,

Foolish of me, yes, how did I expect to outsmart or convince a perfect God?

If this battle calls for a solo mission, then so be it

If I must lay my life down, let it be laid before your feet, full submission

Let my life be nothing but a direct testament to you and your glory.

Let them question the vessel, but see the Captain,

Let the Spirit be my voice, let it be my reason, let it be seen

Radiating from my epidermis,

Glimmering from my eyes.

Now that I’ve made good on my promise, and responded to your calling

I stand ready to receive your orders,

No matter the call,

No matter at all

I let you pick me up in pieces,

And a mosaic I became…

Beautiful again.

So long as I hold on to you,

I will live evermore