Renewal

The wails of

screaming children

begging for mercy

could be heard through the

cracks & holes

in the walls

The one who was supposed to

protect their kids from harm

was the one inflicting it

I waited and watched

my helpless mother

who was unable

to do anything

Red. Resenting. Rage.

I could hear the

blood boiling

in my body and

through the blanket of

my hair

that I had made

as a shield to

avert my eyes

from the horrors

of watching

HIM

as he made sure

to take turns

to beat the spirit

out of all of his children

The blades of fear

were woven so deeply

in the fiber of my being

that I had no desire

to live

to be

to do anything

always waiting

for when they

would pierce my heart

there was only

a black hole

inside & out

In times of distress

I would turn to nature

lying in the grass

atop the hill across

from my school

I watched the trees as

they were fading

the dance of the

autumn leaves

as they fell

in circles

peacefully

below

keeping the thoughts of

purple and black bruises

away

away

away

I screamed out

my seething sorrow

to the sky

begging God

why? why me?

through my tear-filled eyes

I sobbed and kept looking up

waiting for an answer

praying there was a sign

and when I was finally

completely empty

the grey clouds

made way for the sun

which shone brighter

just before

the day’s end

I felt the yellow warmth

wrap me in an embrace

I deeply breathed in

the crisp air of change

hoping

dreaming

that one day

I would shine brightly too

Being in the black abyss

of violence and fear

for most of my childhood

made me

apprehensive

scared

and then he came

to soften my sharp edges

I fell hard and terribly

with the utmost apparency

all of my barriers

were

broken

down

some days

the anger of it all

hurt so much that

I felt my heart

was going to

shatter spontaneously

inside my chest

but I have become softer

than I was once before

I have learned to hope

I have learned to love

to not be afraid

to seek help when needed

to withdraw when needed

to understand how to take care of myself

to see color in all things

to know there is more

than just black & white

I rise in the early mornings

to appreciate the brilliance of

the crimson red sky,

the warmth of the sun

the call of the blue birds

as they sing their sweet songs

to bear witness

to the dawn

of a new day

I search for light everywhere

because I know what it

feels like to live without it

I spill my secrets to

the moon and the stars and

watch as they shine

a bright white light while

they listen in confidence

and I feel renewed and whole

I embrace those once timid

big beautiful brown eyes

and that lovely caramel brown skin

that is much thicker

than others

that which I was once so fearful of

to accept that this is who I am

even when my self worth

and existence are

called into question

I WILL continue to

shine brightly with

all the colors

in the spectrum

I weaponized my rage

as fuel for the path

I needed to take

the past is the past

my future I cannot forsake

the spirit which you

could not break

my mind

I did liberate

a beaming white light

I will continue to emanate

Learn to let go

and live for what

is coming

Love changed me

pink saved me

and now I see

my brilliant hues